40 Days?? Really? Can we negotiate God?

Lent for me is much like crossword puzzle books - they're easy to cheat at because all the answers are in the back. And you better believe that I cheat. Lent and crossword puzzle books evoke similar reactions in three ways for me - smug satisfaction, rationalization, and defeat. Let me outline:

Smug Satisfaction: One of the "rules" of Lent is no meat on Fridays. I like to pretend that every Friday during Lent that I don't eat meat is just one more "God point" added to my tally that will someday open the pearly gates of heaven for me. I derive a lot of smug satisfaction over the fact that I am able to refrain from meat eating and therefore fulfilling my duty as a good Catholic....regardless of the fact that I'm a vegetarian and wouldn't be eating meat anyway. I get the same sort of smug satisfaction when I finish a crossword puzzle. It's my way of saying "Hey, look at me everyone! I'm BRILLIANT." No one ever has to know that I looked up 60 of the 90 answers in the back of the book...

Rationalization: This year, I'm going to give up carbs. But not all carbs, only things that are obviously carbs - pasta, rice, cereal, bagels, bread, etc. But not on Thursdays when it's family pasta night because, after throwing my desire to become a vegetarian at my mom right before Thanksgiving a few years ago, giving up carbs at the exact moment she is making pasta for dinner tonight would be just cruel, right? I thought so too. And honestly, they wouldn't put the answers to the crossword puzzles in the back if they didn't want you to look at them...

And finally defeat: I'm a carb-a-holic. Making it 4 hours, let alone 40 days without cereal might just kill me. And honestly, I think it might just be a pretty unrealistic goal that willcrash into flames in yet another epic Lent failure. Much is the same any time I try to attempt a crossword puzzle without the answers. Massive, humbling defeat...

Check back with me in April and I'll let you know exactly how many days I made it without a cupcake...except for on Thursday nights of course...