Call PETA...

Yesterday was our annual "take your cats to the vet day." It's an appointment that lasts approximately 30 minutes, but I start mentally preparing for it about a month in advance. Why is it so bad you ask? Oh it's bad for so many different reasons....

First - my cats are princesses. They never really got the idea that there can only be one princess per house and it's me..to them, I exist to scratch those hard to reach spots, feed them, and open the blinds when they meow in the morning so they can see outside.

Second - they do not view a once a year car ride in their carriers as an adventure. To them, it's torture. At the first hint that the carriers might be coming out of the closet they bolt, hiding under chairs, my bed, behind furniture. There are many a times I'm head first, butt up, under my bed dragging a cat out by the scruff (or tail). I've resorted to stealth tactics in recent years. Pulling the carriers out the night before to lull them into a false sense of security. Closing them in a bathroom. All sorts of things that make me want to pat myself on the back and say "Way to go Jen...you're smarter than a cat!"

Third - my one cat, Shank, weights 15 pounds. No she's not fat...she's just big boned...the vet tech told me so. Have you ever tried carrying a 15 pound chunk of fat in a plastic carrier? Anyone with an infant is nodding their heads right now. Have you ever tried carrying a 15 pound MOVING chunk of fat in a plastic carrier? I'm not sure which is worse - the wrenching of my elbow or the dislocation of my shoulder. Although, perhaps it might be worse for Shank based on the number of times I've banged her into a door frame....

Fourth - the meowing. Oh my god, the meowing. It starts the minute the carrier doors close and does not stop. And they just feed off of one another. Chai: "Meow" Shank, not to be outdone "Meow Meow" Chai "Meow" Putting the windows down doesn't help. Turning the radio up only causes them to meow louder. It is non stop.

Fifth - and final object of torture is also Chai's big F* you mom moment as well. I live 5 minutes from the vet. Without fail, within two minutes Chai will drop the nastiest, stinkiest poop in her carrier, never once pausing in the renewed meowing - it does stop once we get into the exam room at the vet...at that point they just try to be as inconspicuous as possible. It's truely gag worthy.

All this, so that my only indoor cats can get a re-newed rabies tag that costs $30 each. How my indoor cats will get rabies, I don't know, but we're covered just in case a racoon or a bat manages to break into the condo....sign me up for another 10 years of this!